endless conversations of the spotless mind.

i just had to post this before i go crashing into my comfy bed.

i just came back from a tremendous fun-filled day where my cost budget is exactly $0.

so it was my brother, my elder cousin and i so happened to have a plan on watching hot fuzz which by the way is so not worth it except for certain bits of humor; but that's not the point.

after buying the tickets around 7+ we head down to have dinner in this fabulous italian restaurant. we had tomato seafood pasta, italian bread with diced tomatoes, mushroom soup, risotto (italian rice), zucchini with cheese and my brother and my cousin shared a lamb as well. terrific i tell you. to top it all, we had tiramisu treated kindly by the restaurant manager (i pressume).

my brother paid for the dinner although my cousin humbly offered which my brother strongly rejected, but either ways while having dinner we had so much fun just talking, despite not sharing the same friends to gossip about. we mostly talked about our grandparents, making snark humor and all in all talking about food glorious food.

at the end of the meal we head back to the place where we were supposed to watch our movie. when we did head back, we had about an hour time to kill. so what say we did but went to coffee bean and tea leaf where we had our friendly dose of caffeine. (well my cousin ordered what i like to call choclate milk but either ways)

despite a whole lot of smoke we continued chatting till the time we finished our drink and head up to the cinema. there we bought nachos combo. although they were all making fun of me about eating too much, they shared the burden.

i tell you my stomach is currently bursting from all those food!

i am really glad i have an elder brother which hell out of older than me and is currently working. for once i really didn't need to worry how much money i had left cause the cost of the whole day was splitted between my brother and my cousin.

and i'm glad (selfishly) i'm the only one where my brother dotes on or rather can dote on. after all, if i had a another sister (especially younger at which) ,what's all the fun in that?

thanks for blessing me.

I've been obsessed with wang fu (very much thanks to debby) and i watched this short film recently called 'yellow fever.'

it was quite funny in a sad charming melodramatic way. and i love the cuts and editing of the short film. here's the link in case any of you are intersted:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQFs33fWzxo

it's mainly about how it seems that white men are getting asian chicks and stealing asian boys girls.

it was about people's confidence and thier lack of one. it was fun film and you could tell that the crew was doing it for the enjoyment.

either ways, enjoy.

so much hatred.
so much anger.
so much wrath.

famine camp 2007 wasn't a blast. it wasn't half as fun as last year and quite a dissapointment. questions surfaced around my brains, ramming through it in a buzz, nothing really clear and my hearts starts to rattle again.

however, i did learn something which despite all my efforts to, i couldn't. i learn about compassion, which i felt was pretty important. cause i don't think in my life have i ever felt that much compassion, and i thank those who have let me stumble over this new found observation.

there's so much injustice, that sometimes, it can't be found.

and yet, sometimes i'm willing to give up everything for them.

i kinda like how the calmness of my heart is currently feeling. it's a fresh new rhythm of something indescribable, likeable even. perhaps it's those stories i've been reading that gives me a comfortable feeling of pace, instead of an erratic heart beatings that would cause one a nightmare from the start.

i wish this feeling would continue to last, for i'm sure many yearn for it.

i've been looking (again) at the past entries of this little of blog of mine. and when i think of it, i realized that i kinda like typing my emotions out on the little keyboard. it lies beneath my hands, and let it soothe my nerves as i begin to type.

the memories are welcoming, fun as they are as they each meant something to me. after all, i try not to sense out my words whenever i do type out my entries to let me remember and recall. nothing too personal as my life has never been.

i suppose i like it. typing, writing whatever you wish to call it, to express and to show whichever way made possible.

either ways, always try to have a good day.

sometimes, more often then not, i debate.

i debate choosing between what i want or what my parents or family members wish me to have. i am fortunate in many cases where i'm actually allowed to choose. career for example is one big thing in my life.

my dad and mum are fully supportive in what i want to do. they're willing to spend the money as long as it's investing in my education, yet, i know that perhaps they hope i'll choose another career line. well, i think it's mostly for my mother.

surprisingly, the unexpected people are the ones who really care and support your ways, your flaws, and your decisions.

take my dad for example. i seldom talk to him, almost never on certain days. yet, he almost clearly surprisingly knows everything about me. he seems to understand in his undersirable quiet ways about me. he cares and yet he doesn't push me.

an unexpected twist came suddenly when he told me about this friend of his has daughter working in the media line in a well-known production studio. my dad told his friend that his daugther is also intersted in this line. what was really surprising was that he actually knew and took me seriously in what i want to do. he didn't think it was a passing phase for he sounded pretty serious and the greatest thing about it? he is fully supportive of it.

my mum, is in contrast in this unexpected picture. sure, she supports me, but everytime in describing my details of my future, she seemed more keen everytime i propose the idea of going into a marketing line instead. she seems to think my obsession in making films is part of a passing phase, dumping me with articles. at times it seemed painfully enough that she's discouraging me of the idea in pursuing film. what is intersting is that i usually tell her most of the secrets of my daily life and journey in this heartfelt society, yet she doubts that i'm insecure on what i really want, but behold, this is really the passion i wish to pursue.

perhaps not as a major, a sideline as i continue to study in this ever-learning journey, but at the end of it, i wish by somehow this little dream i have at the back my head will drift foward and do what i wish to do most.

the little things in life which is so unexpected. the little things in life we never seem to see nor understand. and those little things in life which we bury beneath our hearts ignoring the little facts that face us everyday.

perhaps one day we'll see it. in more ways than one. then later we'll learn, to strive for something we receed in.

and when we come clean and clear of it. it seemed so strange, that it hits you like a wind. a favor of indeed the colours black and white.

First Course: Isolation

Second Course: The Rabbit

It's been a few days since the patient entered. So far, he managed to get the patient's name. "Rabbit," the patient had said. The patient was a quiet one. It took him a long time to lure the patient to talk. Now he knew his name. Rabbit. Funny little name he had thought.

They were now both playing Go Fish. He was winning and he waits patiently as the Rabbit debates which card should the Rabbit asked from him. He was patient. The Rabbit was smart and knew how to outwit him. Sure, this was a simple game, but sometimes the simplest games could end up tricky.

"Why are you here?" he asked, not being able to stand the silence echoing anymore. He had finally found a friend. A friend is the hardest thing to find in this wrecked lonely areas. He had had become fond of this Rabbit. Sure, the Rabbit did not look anything at all like the actual animal and he wonder vaguely why would anyone name thier child 'Rabbit.' Of course, the Rabbit could have lied about it's name.

"My mum thought I was crazy," Rabbit said sighing as it place it's card down and rubbing the bridge of it's nose. Playing this game of Go Fish could be particularly difficult, especially when you are playing with him.

He snorted. What an answer. They all gave the same answers everytime he asked a new patient. He wondered whether it was some kind of plot planned by the doctors and his heart stabbed grimly in remembrance of the little trick the cruel nurses played. It was cold and heartless. His sympathy always went to all those who had suffered. Those who were shut in the isolation cell for a few days. Some a week.

The Rabbit studied him as he drifted off to another planet. It knew that this man was special. There was something about him that connected the Rabbit and him. It was feeling the Rabbit never felt before. So strange, so unusual, yet not entirely uncomfortable. He was curious about this man and it finally decided to ask, "How about you, why are you here?"

He jerked his head towards the Rabbit. The question came as a surprise and assuming that the Rabbit felt the same way he felt towards it, his heart immdiately soften. It was as though the wall he had taken months to build around his heart was suddenly cracked open.

There was something about this patient, something he could trust, something comforting that had seeped into him like never ever before. Sure, he had relationships in the past, but they all deemed him as crazy, every single one of them, once they knew the truth. They had left him, some in the alleys, some battered and torn, others in a tragic state he knew would haunt him till the day he died.

"Some people beat me," he whispered knowing that some of the other patients would hear him. He never let anyone know why he was in here, but somehow, he knew he could trust the Rabbit.

"They thought I was insane when I told them little stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Stuff. Stuff incredibly true but people fail to believe for they do not want to believe."

For once, there was an awkward silence.

"One day my friend. One day I'll tell you about this stuff..." he said.

The Rabbit knew better not to push further. So he picked his cards up in his hand and asked for an Ace of Spades.

i'm really satisfied with myself today. or was it yesturday? either ways, i was/am satisfied with myself. i managed to complete everything i planned to do, and to me it was a big acomplishment (although it wasn't really fully done) as i am a complete slacker and procrastinator. the fact that i acomplished the things i want to do in a day makes me very happy.

i'm beginning to write again. not the usual poetry and lyrics i do, the long type of stories. i seem to run out of 'plot bunnies' and it's hard to scrape an intersting plot especially when you want to focus on humor. god, it's so hard to be funny, especially when you try very hard to be.

anyway, i just had steamboat with my family and get this, the steamboat comes with chicken rice. i think i fed myself to the glutton cause it was horribly delicious. the place was pretty cool cause it lasted for more than 10 years and they were selling lottery and there was this lady (i think) was shouting something like 'ma pi oh.'

oh, and about the entry where i talked about death just now? sometimes i scare myself.

and sometimes, i wonder whether i'm a sadist.

i can't believe i actually wasted time on this thing. but either ways, i'm happy i did.

i think it's scary if let say you're going to lose someone very close to you. death can be so tragic and at times you wish you are an immortal. or rather, you wish that those around you were immortals. esepcially if it was someone important, and someone you could always count on. and someone you love so much that you hope you won't be seperated from.

i'm behind schedule. working on it.

about time.

i'm actually starting to feel worried. panic just took me today, and i'm actually happy of it. yes, i'm mad, but i am happy. it's crazy cause i seem to see everyone working and despite my earlier protests in earlier entries that i'm actually bothering to work, truth to be told, i'm not. and today, when i realize i'm so cut off time for piano and for the exams i'm beginning to feel slight worry. and hopefully, this 'worry' would last long enough so that i will be able to work hard, after all i would like to go after my course of what i want to do, once i graduated thank you very much.

in other news, i'm excited cause ocean's 13 is finally coming out, and i heard it was really good. critics rated it 4/5 stars so definetly worth watching. oh, and i'm suddenly intrigue with indie (independent) films. of course sometimes these films can be really draggy and even times boring, but at the end of it, it's something meaningful and worth to learn, and it often comes with a good plot, so yes, it's worth watching. no special effects, low budget but a cast of characters worth watching for.

i've decided if i were to ever make a movie or start writing scripts, i'll probably start with writing like independent films. where acting and storyline is mostly concentrated on. of course then i'll need a good cast, but it'll worth my budget.